At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
