I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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