i wish my penis had a tongue
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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