just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
