Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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