I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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