Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
