But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
