totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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