dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
