he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
