i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
