last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
