Please, let me fuck your mom
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
