I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
