You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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