This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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