She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
