I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
