I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
