At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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