Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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