I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
