I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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