We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
