Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
