i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We just shotgunned beers for America
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
