State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
