Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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