I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
