i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
