the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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