Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
