google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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