Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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