Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
