Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
