I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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