it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
