This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's official drugs can't kill me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
