I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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