nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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