Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
