There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
