drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
