He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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