Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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