She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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