So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
