dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
