yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
