This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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