If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
