I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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