I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
