Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
