OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
