I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
