We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
