i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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