her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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