omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
