its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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