I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
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time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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