bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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