shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
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I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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