she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This house was built for laser tag.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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